Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
