ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
