you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
