Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
