i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
