I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
