i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
