ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Randomize
