you guys were way drunker than both of me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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