Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
