Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
