Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
