so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
