What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
