It's Friday. Sex?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
