a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
