I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
