Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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