I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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