Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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