Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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