Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
