Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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