So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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