I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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