im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
not ubering you a puppy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
