I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
