...so i touched it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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