There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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