his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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