he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
