Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
