Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Someone came in the potted fern
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
