So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
