I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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