Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
