sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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