I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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