She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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