if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
