I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My penis needs a shock collar
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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