i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
