god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
