Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
