He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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