guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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