My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
