Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
