He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
