They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
