Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
