he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
