i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
