if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize