please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
