You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
