I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
