It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
