July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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