Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
