ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
