i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
