she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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