we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
