puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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