I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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