i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
