I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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