at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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