I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
