I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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